Bro's Bedtime Story
by RhiDaBatch3
Summary: When little Dave won't go to sleep at night it's up to Big Bro Strider to read him a story and try to get the cool kid to fall asleep and give the elder some peace and quiet... Based off "Bro The Fuck To Sleep" by skittlesaretasty of YouTube. Reuploaded


It's ten o'clock at night and my patience are wearing thin. Here I sit, trying to get my little brother to go to bed and the damn kid will not fucking listen! I swear this child needs a good 2x4 to the head sometimes... I sigh annoyed as I grab the little bastard, shoved him in bed, and tucked the covers so far around him he won't be going anywhere any time soon. He just lays there, squirming and bitching and not at all doing what I want. Which is just to go to sleep! I've done everything I can think of! Let him have a snack, get a drink, have about four bathroom breaks (none of which were used to go to the bathroom by the way), even let him watch me play X-box for a while! Yet still, he won't go the fuck to sleep!

Dave looks at me, red eyes I can tell trying to think of another way to stay awake and get away from me. His glasses are sitting on the shitty makeshift table by his bed as I know damn well his dumb-ass will break them if her wears them to bed. Though not like it matters because apparently he won't be sleeping tonight! "Bro, would you read me a story?"

I just look at him, my eyes which are surely filled with annoyance hidden behind dark tinted shades. Normally no, I wouldn't dare read a story to my now six year old kid brother. Mostly because the kid's to fucking old for that bull-shit. But maybe it's what he needs and it's my last idea before I just knock him the fuck out myself. "Fine. I'll read you a fucking story if you just go to sleep." I cross my arms over my chest, the look across my face I'm sure was that of a stern, annoyed parent. Dave grins a bit and nods his head as I sigh and go over to his shit-whole of a closet. I dig around until I find a box full of shit we kept from when he was a kid. This is also where I keep most of the books seeing as, like I said, I don't fucking read to him anymore. Grabbing the one I figure fit this current situation, I go back over to my annoyance of a sibling and sit on the table by his bed, resting my leg on top of my other knee.

Dave turns to face me slightly, managing to wiggle one of his arms free and props his head up on it to watch me. Let's just see how long this little endeavor lasts us. "_Go_ The Fuck _To Sleep_. By _Adam Mansbach_." I sigh a little, turning the page to get this story on the road. If this doesn't work, I'll have to consider murder a pretty good and justifiable response. "The cat's nuzzled close to their kittens now yo. The lambs have laid down with the sheep. You're cozy and warm in your bed bitch. PLEASE go the fuck to sleep! The windows are dark in the town child. The whales be huddlin' down in the deep and shit." Oh God I'm already regretting this. It has to be one of the most uncool things ever but he looks at me and frowns, nodding for me to go on. "I'll read you this book if you swear you'll go. The fuck. To sleep." He just grins at me. Sighing, I turn the page and go on. "The eagles who sore through the fuckin' sky and shit are at rest. And the creatures who crawl, and run, and creep."

He then tugs on my sleeve, stopping me from reading. "Bro I'm dying of thirst!"

Stern parenting face goes back on as I raise a blonde eyebrow. "I know you're not thirsty. That's bull shit stop lyin'. Lie the fuck down _Dave_ and sleep." He frowns at this but doesn't press the matter more knowing full well when his argument is going to be invalid.

"The wind whispers soft through the grass. The field mice, they make not a peep." I laugh a little out of sorrow for myself at having to put up with this as I look at my kid brother in utter annoyance. "Not even one!" He just frowns more, shifting his legs in the bed as a clear sign he isn't anywhere near going to bed. "It's been thirty-eight minutes already! Jesus Christ! What the fuck? Go to sleep!"  
I take my hat off for a moment, running a hand through my hair to smooth it out before sliding the hat back on and get back to reading the lamest of stories to the lamest of brothers. "All the kids from the day-care," I glare over at him at this. "not fuckin' retards like you, are in dream land. The froggy has made his last leap."

And here he goes, trying to get out of bed so he can once again try to get away from me. "Bro I really gotta go again!" I grab his shoulder before he can sit up all the way and force him to lay back down.

"Hell no you can't go to the bathroom. You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep!" I slide my glasses up for a moment and rub the bridge of my nose. Lord this brat is really testing my patience tonight... I bring the book back up, all irony and coolness gone from this current situation. "The owls fly fourth from the tree-tops and shit. Through the air they sore and fucking sweep." From the corner of my eye I see Dave slowly sneaking out of the covers so I change the next line, mad rapping skills coming into play here. "A hot crimson rage fills my heart, _DAVE_!" I grab the back of his shirt when I snap out his name and tug him back down onto the bed. "For real, shut the fuck up and SLEEP." He pouts but does lay back down and I start to suffer more into this damn unironic story.

"The cubs and the lions are snoring, wrapped in a big snuggly heap in shit." And here he goes only this time he makes it to the end of the bed before I grab his leg, pick him up by it and hold him up in front of my face. "How is it you can do all this other fuckin' shit like dodge swords, but you can't lie the fuck down and sleep!" I toss him back onto the bed, not to carefully shoving the covers back on top of him. "The seeds slumber beneath the earth now, and the fuckin' crops that the farmers will reap-"

"Bro, what does reap mean?"

I glance over at him mid page flip. "Means they'll take the crops to the store and sell them. Like harvest." I'm about to get back to reading when he speaks up again.

"What does harvest mean?"

"It means the crops are ready to be sold so the farmers pick them to sell them."

"How come they sell them?"

"Because that's how they make their fucking money!"

"Why don't they just get real jo-?"

"No more fucking questions! This interview's over bitch! I got two words for you Dave!" He frowns more as I put emphasis on each word. "Fucking. Sleep." He pouts but keeps his mouth shut as I go on. "The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle and the sparrow has shut the fuck up and silenced her cheep."

"Bro can I have my bear-"

"FUCK your fuckin'... stuffed bear!" Oh really little bro? Playing that card? That's just an uncool level to sink to yo... "I'm not gettin' you shit!" I pause for a moment. If it's a bear he wants, fuck that. Reaching over to my left, I pick up Lil' Cal up and shove him into the blonde kids arms. "You can have Lil' Cal!" Even the little man's getting annoyed of this shit... "Close your eyes, cut the crap, and sleep!"

Sighing again, I switch into a more comfortable position as I rest my head in the palm of my hand. "The flowers doze low in the meadow and high on the mountains so steep-" He goes to try and escape again but when my voice raises out of annoyance, he freezes where he was. "My life is a failure, I'm a SHITTY-ASS brother! Stop fuckin' with me Dave, and sleep!" The kid spits his tongue out at me and quickly tries to jump off the bed but I grab him in the act. At this point, I'm saying fuck this book. It's not doing anything here. That and all these shitty weak-ass rhymes have gotten me in a rapping mood. I toss the worthless hunk of paper onto the floor, still gripping Dave. "The giant smuppets of my bedroom are snoozing as I lie here and openly weep-!" I turn and toss the annoying brat into bed again as I sit on the edge and look up at the ceiling for a moment, thinking that last line over. "Actually I don't because I'm too fucking cool for that."

"Hey Bro."

"What Dave?" I ask bitterly, not even bothering to look at him.

"Could I have some apple juice."

"Sure fine whatever! I'll get you some fuckin', apple juice. Who the fuck cares? You're not gonna sleep!"

Of course, that little fucker manages to sneak past me this time due to the ranting and takes off running, laughing while he does so. I just throw my arms up in defeat, letting out an exhausted laugh. "You win! You escaped! Run down the hall as I nod the fuck off and sleep!"

Bleary and dazed I awaken later and it takes me a moment to remember just what the hell I was doing. I look to my left and dear God there he is with his red eyes shut! I keep my fingers crossed tight as I fucking ninja away and pray that he is fucking asleep.

I finally get to watch my fucking movie now. It's playing quietly as I rest on my futon. There's popcorn in the microwave-

**BEEP. **

Awh shit! God Damnit! You've got to be fucking kidding me! I listen for only a moment before I hear a door open and I slam the palm of my hand against my forehead. COME ON! I fall back on the futon as Dave comes and jumps up next to me. I just keep my eyes shut out of pure rage as he laughs at the look on my face. Go the fuck back to sleep!

**THE END.**

**Author's Note:** This is based off the story "_Go The Fuck To Sleep_" By: _Adam Mansbach_. It is taken from a rewrite and voice-over done by _skittlesaretasty_ of YouTube. Link is at the bottom. Thank you for reading~!

/watch?v=bRWtVrGVUzA


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